Boundaries

Whether you just brought baby home or you just can't get enough cuddly moments with your child, here's why you shouldn't have your bundle of joy sleep in bed with you.

A lot of new parents bring their newborn into bed with them. Whether it is for proximity reasons, convenience or just pure love, this fairly common practice can actually be problematic.

Baby's Boundaries

A child adapts pretty quickly to his new environment. He'll look around, try to mimic certain behaviors, and he knows what to do in order to be fed or changed (yes he'll cry). His first major influence comes from his immediate family (more precisely, the person or people who are raising him). He gets cues of how the outside world functions and adopts certain behaviors in consequence. Putting a child in bed with you (and your partner) allows him to believe that child and parent are one unit. He won't see or understand that there are boundaries. Boundaries are healthy for a child and his parents. A child must learn at a young age that he's his own person and so are his parents.
Breaking the habit

It may seem convenient in the first few months or years of your child's life, but as he gets older this habit is going to get harder and harder to break. With boundaries not being set, the child may suddenly feel abandoned or confused when his parents impose these new boundaries and make him sleep in his own bed. It may take more time to wean him off of the habit.

Autonomy

By setting boundaries early and having your child sleep alone, he learns to be autonomous and to self-soothe. He learns to fall asleep on his own. This is one of the first steps your child will take towards autonomy. This is also a critical step in his development. Without this autonomy, which your child will develop through many different experiences (not only where he sleeps), as your child gets older he may have difficulties with autonomy, self-reliance, self-efficacy, and develop problems in other areas. Keep in mind that this is not a cause and effect relationship.

Intimacy and life roles

A lot of parents have a hard time juggling their role as parents with their role as a spouse, as a worker, as a woman, or a man. Setting that boundary reminds you and your child know that your only responsibility is not simply as their parent. It allows you to step out of the parenting role and into another one. Privacy is important for you, your child, and your relationships. Your child learns that you have your private time, alone or with your partner, and that he is entitled to his own space as well. This boundary also makes it easier for your role as a parent not to overshadow your role in your relationship with your spouse, which in itself may have become more complicated since your child's arrival. Your relationship with your spouse is your child's primary model for a relationship.

Of course, if your child has been sleeping with you, no need to panic, you'll have to slowly wean him off of the habit. You can start with the crib in your room and then move the crib into a separate room. You can correct the situation by implementing boundaries in steps. Remember, boundaries are healthy and make your life as a parent much easier.