Let’s talk about… Where babies come from.

Got a small child at home and another one the way? If your child is old enough to ask questions, it’s only a matter of time before he asks you where babies come from.

So your family is expecting a new edition, and your other children are asking questions. You might be confronted by the eternal why’s of your children but regardless; it’s important to nourish this curiosity. This might send some parents into a panic. Wondering what to say and how? First, take a deep breath and let’s explore the options together.

Follow your child’s development

You won’t talk to your child the same way if he’s 3 or if he’s 8. Your child’s age and development will affect how much he or she can process, what they’ll retain, and what questions they’ll ask next. So explain, accordingly, to your child where babies come from, how they are made, how they grow and childbirth. Details will also depend on your child’s age and attention span. No need to give a child a lecture on 12-hour labor pains and the resulting damage a woman can endure. We’re here to educate not traumatize.

Use real words

No matter what, use real words. Explain to your children the process by using real words (a baby does not grow inside a mommy’s belly no matter how many times you say it). Using erroneous words may just lead your child into confusion and to ask more questions or have concerns that will be harder to explain later on. So you even at 3 or 4 you can tell your child this;

To make babies you need sperm and an egg. Daddies make sperm and mommies make the egg. They meet inside the mommy’s uterus (not belly) and they come together to make a baby. It can take up to 42 weeks for the baby to be big enough to be born. Once the baby is fully formed and big enough the mommy goes into labor. The baby leaves the mommy’s uterus and exits through her vagina (real words please; you don’t want your child thinking he or she’s giving birth when he/she goes to the bathroom…).

There you have it; that’s how you explain how babies are made and born in 5 minutes or less. Granted, your child might have more questions. I can feel some of you are relieved and others are squirming. Don’t worry about using real words since your child will only retain what he is capable of. The fact that you can use real words in a comfortable way will not put any negative connotations on the words uterus, vagina, penis, sperm etc. Your child doesn’t know that these words may be considered as taboo. They are just learning facts. This will be helpful in the long run.

A side note for families not composed of a father and mother; you can change the words daddies and mommies to man and woman. Regardless of how your child is conceived and who his parents are (biological or not), it is important for them to know what comes from where and not think that the whole experience is a magical one.

Great opportunity for open and honest conversation

You may have to repeat this conception story quite a few times as your child gets older until he truly grasps where babies come from. Using real words from the beginning removes any taboos or negative connotations and is a great opportunity to establish an open and honest conversation with your child from a young age. Being open when he or she is young will set a great example for when he or she grows up. You’ll be more comfortable with practice and your child will feel it and in turn feel more comfortable in coming to you for advice and questions.

Truth is we are all made this way. There’s nothing magical happening in mommy’s stomach, because 1) it has nothing to do with magic and 2) mommy’s stomach has nothing to do with it. Try to avoid using clichés such as storks, or mommy and daddy kiss and voila a baby’s on the way. These just lead to confusion or more questions that aren’t easily answered. You also don’t need to be explicit; try to keep in mind that some boundaries and privacy are healthy and your child doesn’t need or want to know intimate details.

I can’t say it enough, use real words. They really make a difference in the long run. A difference in how your children will process information and the importance they’ll attribute to it. If you need extra help or just a little creative boost, there are many books out there that can help you find just the right way to discuss this topic.