Bullying is difficult to define and even harder to prove. There is no list of bullying behaviors. Usually if a person genuinely feels they are being singled out for unfair treatment by a boss or colleague they are probably being bullied.

Examples of workplace bullying: offensive, intimidating, malicious or insulting behavior, an abuse or misuse of power through means that undermine, humiliate, or injure the person being bullied. This is a pattern of behavior rather than isolated instances, happening repeatedly and persistently over time.

What it definitely is not: a one-off event. That would class as harassment. Bullying on the other hand is deliberately intended to dominate, cause distress and fear in the intended victim. Bullying often happens in private settings and by a person in authority and difficult to find material evidence for. Bullying doesn’t happen by accident; it has to be a deliberate action, and even though perpetrators might say they “meant no harm” when reprimanded, bullying often involves a planned campaign by the bully with the likelihood of negative intent.

This is why it is so difficult to prove as it involves a subjective assessment of the motives of the bully and intent is always difficult to bring to court. When I faced workplace bullying, I found it difficult to understand what was happening to me. I was scared and worried to talk about it to someone and cause "trouble", especially since it was from someone who was my principal, and I was full of self-doubt to be able to carefully and objectively define it as "workplace bullying". Talking to several people since about their own experiences of workplace bullying, I have heard similar stories.

Who would have thought that the profession I chose, helping others, would come with the ongoing threats, feeling of less than, and always looking over my shoulder?  I work with adolescents with learning difficulties, as well as some exhibiting unmotivated behaviors.  No child is the same and with every year comes a new package of students. Being resilient, patient, and empathetic is what makes me good at my job. One of my objectives every year is to teach my students how to overcome bullying. How not to take it personally and that bullies work in groups. We promote inclusion. To know the adults and professionals I work with are capable and open about how they bully is a shame to my profession.

Let me start by saying, I have never reported any incidents that I have experienced, but I have often gotten my hands slapped, put back in line, humiliated with photos from my Facebook, as well as told I was being followed, which has nothing to do with any of the situations that I have seen. 

When I was bullied, initially it never even occurred to me that it was bullying. Gradually, it made me more and more miserable, increasingly worried and anxious about going into work, and just unsure of my own abilities. And, this is what workplace bullying does. It knocks the self-esteem of even the most resourceful and confident people, wearing them down so that they are less trusting of their own instincts and judgement and consequently unfit to work. I know and have heard from many who are in the same situation, where they do not feel safe to communicate, and if they do, they still have the threat of being bullied by their peers and management. The data clearly shows that workplace bullying is so much more widespread than the attention and acknowledgement it receives. People are reluctant to speak about this. Often they have been pushed out of jobs.

What is being done to change this?  How can we change things?
Data shows that workplace intimidation\bullying increases absenteeism. In my case I have not succumbed to this but do admit to being drained from the drama that it has caused. I am fortunate that my passions include outdoor activities and have helped in combatting some of the negative feelings I have been experiencing.  Talking to co-workers has not been an option, as I do not “trust” anyone whom I work with. It’s normal to feel paranoid when bullies work in groups.

Positive thinking is very important; a change in mindset and willing to try different approaches have helped in difficult situations. Seeking professional help is always a good approach when we start doubting our decisions. Re-educating employees on workplace approaches and protocols is badly needed. We forget that not every person works the same. We are all diverse in our way.  We all seek inclusion.   

Lastly, communication is the key.  Make yourself heard, speak up to the person who is the catalyst in the bullying, or go to upper management.  It may not help and bullying may still take place, but making your bully know you are aware and will not accept this behavior is important in preserving a positive mindset.