Chapter 1 – I’m Jeff, she’s Cindy

I don’t want to be clammy and old like the other people here, but my old folk’s home stinks. Everyone here is old, grumpy, and smells like oldness! And you might be thinking “What?! My grand-pa and grand-ma are never grumpy or smell like oldness! They’re always happy to see me!” Well, that’s outside, in here everyone stinks! I have a friend named Methuselah, he’s probably by far, the oldest guy in the building. He’s really my only friend besides…well, nobody!

Hey! I didn’t tell you my name yet, it’s Jeff Slinger, not Jeff Slingshot, Jeff Slinger, but just call me Jeff. I saw someone walk out of the elevator, oh darn it! It was Cindy! “Jeff!” she called. I pretended to not hear (I couldn’t hear her anyways!) “Jeff!!” she called again. Cindy works here, but really she just drinks pop in front of the TV all day, and she treats me like I’m a hundred and twelve!

Oh, great! She probably wants to feed me yogurt or something. She yelled something again but this time I actually couldn’t hear, boat, bat, bath, uh…BATHROOM! Uh-oh! That doesn’t sound right, she yelled again “Come on Jeff! I gotta bring you to the bathroom!” “YIEKS!!” I started running! More like speed walking! Well, more like slow jogging! But for me it was running! Geez, I’m old but I can take care of myself, I mean I can go to the bathroom by myself!

I kept on slow jogging. “Jeff! What are you doing?!” she called. “It’s no use, she’s gaining!” I yelled. Then I saw Charles’ rocket powered wheel chair, I shoved him off and turned it on, and I started blasting down the halls! “Yeah-ha!” I yelled with joy!

Everyone was jumping out of the way! I was crashing three doors! Man, I hadn’t had fun like this since I was thirty! Sam was right, Charles’ rocket powered wheel chair was the key out!

Chapter 2 – We made it out, barely!

This was awesome! I was going at 50 miles per hour! This was it, I might escape this dump! Good bye Cindy, good bye Charles, good bye Frank the Janitor! I wish Sam was there, Sam’s my grandson and he and I had been trying to get me out of that dump for ages! I remember that time when he tried to get me out using a Taser, but Cindy knocked him out with a bar!

I turned a corner, “Whoa!” that was a tight turn! Speaking of tight turns, two food carts were coming my way! I started gaining speed, why you ask? Because I’m going to jump those carts! It sounds crazy but I can do it, I still got a trick up my sleeve. This cart can fly! Bam! I went right over their heads!

WOW! That reminded me of that time Charles fell asleep on the joy stick on his wheel chair and went blasting through the halls and ran into Frank the Janitor! “Hahahaha!” man, that was funny! Ok, back to the present! At the end of the hall someone was entering the building! “Oh-no! What if I hit him/she” but surprisingly it was Sam! “I came to visit you, but it looks like you’re leaving!” he yelled. “Hop on my lap!” I yelled back. “You got it!” he replied. “Oof!” man, I kept on forgetting he’s not five anymore!

“Here, I got you your favorite, ginger cookies!” he handed over a box. I started chomping them down, I’d been eating mushy food for as long as I can remember! “I can’t believe Cindy thinks you have no teeth” it’s true she’s usually feeding me and texting her friends at the same time, plus mushy food taste likes manure! “Grandpa look! The window!” this was it! We crashed through the window like we could fly!

Chapter 3 – Get away…in a Jaguar XJR-15!

Still crashing through the window, everything seemed so slow, so wonderful, so amazing! I guess the feeling of getting out of this place like heaven! Sam’s probably just happy he doesn’t have to bust me out anymore! This feeling, it felt like…I was falling into a garbage can!

“Waaa!” we both yelled. “Plop” Sam fell in. “Plop!” I fell in. “BANG!!” the wheel chair fell on both of us! “Oh man!” Sam moaned. “I forgot we were on the fifth floor!” I wailed. “Darn it!” All my cookies were ruined! We tried to get up, we couldn’t, and oh I was sore! Then we saw Cindy and the others crash through the door! “OK, now we gotta get up!” I told Sam. “Agreed!” he replied.

We jumped out of the garbage and got into a Jaguar! “Where did you get a Jaguar XJR-15?!” I asked. “It’s not mine!” he yelled. “Where did you get the keys?!?” I asked. “Uncle Burt let me borrow the car!” he replied. We took off just as Cindy tried to jump on the car! “Ouf!” she gasped. “Yay we did it!” we hugged.

“That was awesome! We took off just as she landed on her face!” Sam laughed. “Ok, stop laughing where are you taking me?” I asked. “My step dad’s of course!” “NOOOOOOOOO!!!” I screamed. “Just kidding! We’re not going to see my step dad!” “Geez, don’t say stuff like that!” I told him. Sam’s dad was bad, but Sam’s step dad? A nightmare! “So where are you taking me?” I asked again. He replied: N E W - Y O R K !

Chapter 4 – You’re crazy right?

“You’re crazy, right? I asked him. “Nope. I’m really taking you to New York” he replied. My heart stopped beating. I’d wanted to go to New York since I’d ever heard about it! It was crazy, I never had the money to go! “Where did you get the money to rent?” I asked. “What are you talking about? I moved there two weeks ago!” My jaw dropped, why didn’t you tell me before? Well, that will have to be a mystery.

“Hey guys!” a squawk came from the back seat. “What the!?” I turned around to look in the back seat. Few, it was just Sam’s talking parrot! “Gimme a cracker jerk!” he squawked. I really hated that bird, once he took my ginger cookies and threw them out the window because I didn’t have a cracker! “I don’t have any crackers!” I yelled at him. “Jerk!” he started to poke my head!

Just as everything felt like Hell, I saw it. New York City. “There it is!” Sam, told me. “Oh my god.” I mumbled. Everything was just like I thought it would be! “So, you wanna go to my place or what?” he asked. “Let’s go to your place.” I told him. We kept on driving, I saw a giant white house, and Sam slowed down. “Is that your place? It’s awesome!” “Nope!” and he drove to the next house which looked like Hell. We dropped our bags in, and I looked around. “Ugh” I grumbled. It was dirty, very dirty! “So, what’s new besides you moved to New York?!” I asked Sam sarcastically. “Uh…great aunt Clara passed away. I passed my first year of college, I have a broken finger…that’s about it!”

“Hey! He liked! He lied! He’s going to party with friends! Squawk!” the parrot squawked. “Stupid parrot!” Sam yelled. “So you lied, so you could go to the party by yourself!? I should trust the parrot, not you!” I said angrily. “It’s just grandpa I might look bad!” he whined. “Who cares I’m coming with you!” I said sternly. “I’m just warning you…”

Chapter 5 – The party

When we get to the party everyone was staring at me as if I had three legs. “What’s their problem?” I asked. “Nothing. Keep on moving!” Sam whispered sternly hiding behind me. “Whoa!” everybody was going crazy! I saw people knocking over tables, people jumping into pools, people throwing chairs! Well, actually, it was only six-teen year old guys!

“Hey man! Loving the party!” a random guy in his early twenties yelled at Sam. “I know! This is much better than the last time!” Sam screamed. “What do you mean? What happened last time?” I asked. “Uh…the gang hit me in the head with a bottle of shampoo, the BBQ caught fire, the police came and…” he went on and on. “Ok, ok, whatever, who’s the gang?” I asked. “They are!”

A bunch of guys in their twenties burst through the doors. Everybody got out of the way, except for me! (I didn’t have enough time to get out of the way!) “Dude! Get out of the way! Or are you too slow to even hear me!” the head guys screamed. “Ohhhhhh!” everyone oohed. “Too slow! I could hear you perfectly I’m just ignoring you!” I responded. “Ooooooh!” “Well you better hear this or I’m going to kick your butt!” he yelled back. “Ohhhhhhhhhh!” man, that “oohing” is so old and what we were yelling at each other weren’t even good comebacks!

“Whoa! Whoa! Whoooa!” the DJ came and split us up “I got a suggestion, we’re here to dance and fun right?” No, we’re here to be bored and cry, what kind of question is that? This is a party! “So, you guys dance, and or else every badder gets kicked out of the building!” the DJ suggested. “Agreed!” the head guy agreed. “Let’s do this, and hey, DJ guy “badder” is not proper English!” I told him. “Who cares turn up the MUSIC!” he screamed.

Everyone started dancing. So did the head leader, he was pretty good. “Come on gramps! Show them what you got!” Sam yelled. Here it comes…

Chapter 6 – They caught up

I twisted backwards and started brake dancing! “Oh ya!” I hadn’t done something like this in a long time! “Oh ya! Look at these moves! Hey I know this song that’s playing! It’s…It’s…” I listened closely. “DO THE HARLEM SHAKE! Dun ah duna dun ah DO THE HARLEM SAHKE!!” everyone started to cheer for me! I jumped on a table and danced! I was breaking the move my mother used to say! The “gang” ran out of the party. “Grandpa! You just punked the GANG!” Sam yelled. “I know” I yelled back.

Just as everything was perfect, I saw them. It was the people from the old folk’s home! I saw them all! They were hiding all around me! Cindy, Frank, the boss, Charles, and everyone else were all here to bring me back to the old folk’s home! I ran! “What’s wrong grandpa?” Sam cried. “Look behind YOU!” I screamed. He saw Cindy and the others bursting through the crowd, he started to run too.

“Hurry!” I yelled. “I’m tr…” he got lost in the crowd. “NO!” I kept on running. I jumped on the table, and spilled some juice and started to glide across the table! Frank was at the other end about to pounce on me! “Oh no!” I yelled. “Hahahahahahaha!” Frank laughed. I was about to get tackled by Frank when Sam jumped on him, and I flew over the fence! “You idiot!” Frank cried.

I hit the grass and got up and kept running! Cindy and everybody else came blasting through the door! “Ru…” Charles covered his hands on Sam’ mouth. I kept on running, and running, and running…

Chapter 7 – The plan

I was running out of breath! “Huff! Huff! Huff!” I panted. You’re probably wondering: “Why didn’t Jeff get away in the Jaguar?” Well there are three reasons: #1 I forgot where Sam parked the car. #2 Sam has the keys and #3 I don’t have a license! It was no use! Sam was probably getting pounded by Frank, and I would barely run anymore. I stopped, I couldn’t do it anymore! Cindy was getting closer, oh how I wish they were all in Mexico!

Then it hit me. I looked to my right there was an airport, and a plane leaving in half an hour to MEXICO! I climbed the fence and ran to the airport. My plan was to somehow get everyone into that plane and the plane will take off to Mexico! Well, that’s basically impossible, but it’s worth a try!

I ran in! Man, there were so many people in there! I checked behind myself, they were still on my tail! I ran faster! I saw a sign that said Mexico. I ran that way! But someone stopped me! “Uh, sir? You got a ticket?” he asked. “Yes, maybe, no, here!” I gave him eighty dollars. “This is still not a ticket!” the man called. But I was gone he was about to call security when, Cindy, Frank, Charles, and everybody else ran over him!

They kept on running, but they stopped. They couldn’t see me. “Where in tarnation is he!” an old guy yelled. “I don’t know, this could be a trap!” Frank replied. “Burp!” Cindy burped.

They all turned around by the noise of a rocket powered wheel chair coming their way. They old man turned around and gasped. “Oh my lord!”

Chapter 8 – Chaos

A rocket powered wheel chair was coming their way at 50 miles per hour! “Ahhhhhh!” they all screamed. The chair picked them all up and started flying! “Ahhhhhh!” they were all screaming. “Where did this wheel chair come from?” Cindy asked. They looked down to the ground, and there I had beat up Charles and stole his rocket powered wheel chair once again! “Umm…sir? Ya, there’s eighteen old folks flying around on a rocked powered wheel chair what should I do?” a guard asked his boss thought the walkie-talkie. “Uhh…SHOOT EM’ DOWN WITH EVERYTHING WE GOT!!” the boss shrieked.

“You heard him! Shoot-em’ down!” the guard yelled. All the guards took out their Tasers and started shooting at the flying ball of eighteen people. Fortunately for Cindy and everybody else the guards were terrible at aiming. “Holy cow! This is like a fiction story!” I cried. Ok, back to the present! The good news was: Cindy and everybody else were flying towards the plane which was leaving for Mexico. The bad news is: it’s leaving in five minutes! Even worse, Charles has my leg! “I’m going to take you down!” Charles yelled as I fell. “NOOOOO!” I hit the ground. “You’re not going anywhere!” he yelled.

Charles started to punch me! “OW! OW! OW! OW!” man, it really hurt! Then, out of nowhere, Sam jumped on Charles! “Nobody beats my grandpa!” Sam growled. He knocked out Charles. “Thanks Sam.” I told him. “Don’t mention it!” he replied.

Good that was over, but what happened to the wheel chair?! Sam and I watched it as it flew right into the plane just as it took off.

Chapter 9 – The end

“You did it!” Sam declared. “No…we did it!” I corrected. “So now what do you want to do?” Sam asked. “Well, I could rent an apartment near your house…” I suggested. “That sounds nice…” he replied. “But now at this very moment, what do you want to do?” Sam asked again. “Go get a BLT, I’m starving!” I moaned. “Ok…” and we walked away